And now a word from our sponsors…
From the creator of “Gotta
shoot them all,” “Roasting ham hams, The BBQ” and “deleting monsters!” comes…
X-MON, The Apocalypse!!
This is a game where you’re
the main shooter with a mission to destroy the world of cute little monsters and mascots. With alternative endings going from
feeding the to Godzilla, sacrifice them to the Dark fanfiction lord, or the good old bashing with your mecha. Be the first
on your block to beat, maim, kill, and destroy cute little creatures.
X-MON, The Apocalypse!!
(This game is not suitable for anyone for the amount of gore, violence toward cute little creatures,
and amounts of fanservice for both, guys and girls. The show does not approve this game but we are broke as hell so we had
to show you this. And now back to the show…)
Steve: Hello everyone and welcome
back to BFA (Bad fanfic Arena)
An-sama: That’s right Steve.
For the last hours we’ve seen all kinds of manga-ka go at it. Megumi Tachikawa, Yuu Watase, Wataru Yoshizumi, Haijime
Kanzaka, Clamp, and our two finalists: The creator of Sailor Moon, Naoko Takeuchi, and a woman who needs no introduction,
Rumiko Takahashi! And those are just to name a few.
Steve: Should we be surprised at
the outcome of this? After all Takeuchi just have one very known fandom.
An-sama: But have you seen the kind
of people that fandom has? Let’s not forget some of the most infamous authors of the net come from there. Dr. Thinker,
Steve: … Oscar…
An-sama: Oh yeah, we mustn’t
forget him. -_-;
Steve: So you believe Takeuchi will
Steve asked with and eagerness on
his voice to know what the author was going to say. To which she only shrugged while drinking some orange soda.
Steve: What do you mean by that?
An-sama: It’s anyone’s
ball. Rumiko has lots of fandoms from where she can draw bad fanfics.
Steve: But something as bad as Artemis
An-sama: P-chan’s lover.
Steve: You’re kidding?
An-sama: Sadly, I’m not. Just
ask Ryoga, he’s still bitching about it.
She said in a cool tone of voice
while taking out a cute little piglet from a box. The pig was trying to get away from its captor as she glomped him in a crazy
Steve: Um… An-sama?
An-sama: What? I deserve some kind
of gratification. Besides Ryoga knows it’s either his “lover” or me.
Steve: Let’s just start the
And as of cue a curtain of darkness
covered the arena, the cheers that echoed the place seemed nothing but a memory as the crowd became silent in anticipation,
and thus the main event started…
The All-Star theme broke the silence telling the fans to cheer as their two
battling idols came into the room with a grin on their faces and a spirit the made them glow like stars in a darkest of nights.
The first one to arrive to her battle
area was Naoko. She was to battle on the red side of the arena staring right in front of her opponent. With enthusiasm she
arranged her Evangelion-like red battle suit and turned on her duel disk. Then, at last, she took out the essence of her restless
nights and the nightmares that haunted her like a bad echo in the back of her mind: a cd full of the worst sailor moon fanfiction.
“You’re going down Takeuchi.”
Rumiko yelled from the blue side as she too had finished setting herself up. Her voice showed the kind of energy a woman who
makes crazy stories could have.
With this Naoko couldn’t help
but grin and return some of the spirit. “Only in your dreams Takeuchi.” She yelled back preparing the crowd for
a show they’d never forget.
Steve blinked twice as he saw the
Steve: An-sama, since when do you
An-sama: Before Spanish Sailor moon
fanfiction. Spanish fanfic writers wrote a lot in script so I got used to it. But when I entered in the English section after
a couple of years of Spanish I saw prose again. So I do a mixture of the two. I’m just trying prose again, sadly is
not as good as I used to be.
Steve: Well, back to the show.
Both of them kept yelling titles
of bad fanfiction, each worse than the one name before. Each fanfic turned into energy to attack the opponent depending on
the level of badness.
“The evil of your fandom is
strong Takahashi, I’ll give you that… but it is no match for mine” Takeuchi said with a tone of determination
on her voice. She didn’t want to use it, as its energy would be too strong to handle. But there was no choice in the
matter if Takeuchi could stand a power like Virgin Warrior Sailor Moon.
Rumiko knew what was coming and
she was prepared. She only hoped that her own kind of evil was strong enough to handle it.
“Artemis Lover!!” Takeuchi
“P-chans Lover!!” Rumiko
And both forces turned into energy
and collided together. Such power… such energy… just by looking at it you could feel it beating you into insanity.
And, as it often happens, the energy of both fics was too great and it exploded destroying the arena and sending everyone
Now it was time for Sunrise and
Naoko Takeuchi was weeping among the ruble with Rumiko Takahashi trying to console her. Just then in front of them some of
the rubble started to move and Steve, and An-sama came from the ground.
Rumiko: Is it avatar-harvesting
Naoko groaned at the poor joke Rumiko
Naoko: How can you joke at a time
like this? DO you have any idea what this explosion means?
An-sama: That Rumiko and you have
to split the money?
Rumiko: Mass destruction needs no
Naoko: No! Can’t you be serious?
An-sama & Rumiko: Have you seen
the type of stories I create?
Steve: Calm down Naoko. It’s
not that bad.
Steve said while rubbing Naoko’s
Naoko: How can I calm down? After
Dic and my fandom sent my story to hell! And even Japan screwed with Sailor moon after S. I’m just going home and try
Rumiko: We can’t just give
up! There are good in our fandoms… I know it!
Naoko: I gave up a long time ago
Rumiko. Ja ne!
Naoko replied while leaving Rumiko
and her hopes behind.
An-sama: Don’t mind her Rumiko.
We’ll help you.
Rumiko: You will? Thank you guys.
Steve: But help with what exactly?
Rumiko: You can read fanfics in
my name and send the good ones to me.
An & Steve: WHAT?!
Rumiko: Well, got to go. Good bye!
And so the queen of romantic comedy
left before An and Steve could reply.
Steve: What now An?
An: Well I don’t want to turn
my brain into mashed potatoes so how about if we…
At some diner in Fandom the AIM
crew was eating and talking about very important matters.
Althena: Mika! After this meal we
are completely broke! Can’t you focus?
Inuyasha: That’s right!
Althena: So how about if we crossdress
Althena: But you’re a natural.
Althena said with a grin that soon
faded at Inuyasha’s response, which was one hell of a death glare.
-I hear you guys need money.
A voice came from behind the trio
surprising them. It was a 15-year-old guy with an blank look on his face.
Mika: Who are you?
-I’m a priest of Althena’s
temple. Steve is the name.
Inuyasha: So you want something
with the annoying person besides me?
Steve: I’m sure that’s
Inuyasha & Mika: And we are
sure you don’t know her.
Althena glared at both of them and
smacked them upside the head with her Godly Powered Folding Fan. Sure, it didn’t prove she wasn’t annoying but
at least served to relief stress.
Althena: What can I do for you Steve-kun?
Steve: Well actually I need all
of you. I need you to find soul fragment guarded by an all female of beautiful amazons. If you’re not interested--
WE’LL DO IT!!
The trio screamed from the top of
their lungs at the chance that came with a mallet and bashed their head in sending them to daydream land.
(thinking) A new soul fragment might be useful. It might even return my memory or give me a new power to kick Mika and Inuyasha’s
butt for being such jerks.
Inuyasha: (thinking) A new soul
fragment can be the key to get me back home and far FAR away from Althena and Mika.
Mika: (Thinking) An all-female Amazon
tribe. If it is anything like Megami Paradise this will be too good to be true.
Steve took Althena’s hand
taking the trio out of their trance and handed her a piece of paper.
Steve: Here is a map to the place.
Althena: Won’t you join us?
Steve: I would love to but I can’t.
I have duties at Althena’s temple that can no go unattended. Just be sure to stop by the temple and I’ll pay you
Mika: You bet we will.
Steve: Well then, I will be leaving.
It’s been a pleasure meeting you.
Steve said with a calm voice while
standing up. But before he could go Althena grabbed his hand.
Althena: Wait. Before you go…
Steve: Before I go what?
Althena: You have to pay the bill
Althena: Let’s go guys!
Both Mika and Inuyasha nodded at
the statement. Before you could say free ramen/pocky/sake over here the trio already left the place leaving Steve shocked.
Steve: Well I guess this is ok.
How big can the bill be?
Steve said to himself trying to
assure himself. But as soon as he grabbed the tiny piece of paper it started to grow like toilet paper in a commercial rolling
down the hill.
Steve: O_O DAMN!!
The sun was shining at full power
signaling it was noon already. Our heroes have been already an hours on their quest lost in spirit forest.
Inuyasha: Are you sure this is the
right way Althena?
The hanyou asked while cutting a
way through the forest. The Goddess who was holding the map upside down nodded assured.
Althena: Have I ever been wrong?
The goddess replied in a prideful
tone that did not inspired much confidence in her comrades.
Mika: Too many times to count.
Althena: Ye of little faith. I’m
sure this is the Amazon forest.
Mika: If we are, why don’t
I feel another female nearby?
Inuyasha: And besides, we aren’t
walking in the path marked on the map.
He replied cutting a tree branch
out of the way.
Althena: And I’m getting hungry.
We should have asked for more food before we left the place since we didn’t had to pay the bill.
Inuyasha: Then why don’t you
help me clear your so-called “path” by eating some of these plants so we can get there faster?
Althena: No thanks.
Mika: I wonder what kind of babes
Althena: We might win money there
Inuyasha: Am I the only one with
a hurry to get there to end this trip?!
The duo nodded while holding a sign
that read, “Let’s make a picnic!”
Inuyasha: I should have known.
He said under his breath while clearing
the path for his companions. But the more in they got the thicker the path became until they were completely surrounded.
Althena: I have a bad feeling.
Mika: Must be the fact that the
author is playing the suspense theme in the background.
Inuyasha: (to the author) That isn’t
Suddenly a fan came into the scene
flying like a boomerang taking by surprise the trio and knocked them out. From behind them came An-sama.
An-sama: That happens to them because
for trying the break the 4 barrier. Good thing I’m the author or else I wouldn’t be able to sneak from their senses. Now lets have some fun…
Time passed and it had already been
a day from the incident in spirit forest. The clear blue skies and the deep forest that previously surrounded the hapless
trio changed to a dark room with a wide screen.
Slowly Althena woke up to see Inuyasha sitting staring at her with his deep amber eyes while Mika was checking
for a way out.
Inuyasha: About time you woke up.
Althena: Where are we?
-You’re in my satellite.
A voice answered surprising them.
A teenage girl with shoulder length curly hair and brown hair and eyes answered.
Girl: I’m An-sama, your boss,
and I have placed you here as an AU universe experiment. You are here to read fanfics for Rumiko Takahashi in search of good
Althena: You must be kidding!
An-sama: No, I’m not. You’re
other friends will join you soon enough.
Mika: What other friends?
An-sama: Hikari, Carlos, Sakura…
AIM: Oh, great…
The trio said sarcastically at the
idea of being stuck with them in a very confide space.
An-sama: Well, that said and done,
let the experiment begin.
AIM: WE HAVE
A FANFIC SIGN!!